Lead Smarter Podcast

welcome to Lead Smarter

the podcast where you'll hear powerful

no nonsense conversations about leadership

with today's top experts

and real world leaders like yourself

get the inside strategies

insights and secrets

they've Learned on the journey to lead smarter

let's dive in

today's guest is Andrew D

Wittman a former Marine Corps infantry combat veteran

ex law enforcement officer

and the creator of Inner Armor Perpetual Resilience

Andrew has spent decades

operating and training in high pressure environments

from combat zones and federal protective details

to advising leaders and frontline teams

in construction

EPC and other mission critical industries

his work isn't about motivation or mindset hacks

it's about training people to respond under pressure

rather than react emotionally

in this conversation

we dig into what resilience actually is

why leaders need to master their

internal responses before they can lead others

and how clarity agreements

and predictability build trust inside teams

when the stakes are high let's get into it

hey Andrew

thank you for joining me again

and giving me a chance to uh

dive deeper um

after having getting

after we've met and learning more about you

and getting to share um

your perspectives with the listeners about leadership

and I I really wanted to dive into where

you actually had touched on

inner armor and perpetual resilience

last time we talked um

what inspired you to create

the Inner Armor and Perpetual Resilience programs

yeah well

thanks for having me David

first off thanks for hosting me

I appreciate you know

there's a bazillion people out there you could have on

and you picked me so I appreciate that

um yeah

so the inner armor thing that was a

I was doing a lot of mental toughness training already

and I after I

I wrote the parenting book

it went to like

No. 1 of 7 secrets of parents resilience went to No. 1

I got a lot of I was on like Fox News Today show

all this crazy press um

I got a phone call from the chaplain of the Marine

Corps um

the commander of the Marine Corps

tasked him to see if you could reach out to me

and see if we could do something for PTSD

and suicide rates

uh with the active duty troops

right for

he called it the spiritual fitness of the warfighter

because like

the drugs weren't helping

the counseling was whatever they were

doing it it wasn't moving the needle

was there something else we could do

and so we launched into that

and we did a lot of work on the back in the Mia

as a former enlisted Marine

uh in the infantry

I know we don't have time and first off

going to a class whatever we go through 100 classes

but you sit through a class on resilience or whatever

it's gonna you're onto the next thing the next minute

so we wanted to work it in like

it was like a workout of the day

we did a resilience workout of the day

like we would do PT

and it would only take a few minutes

so they could make it part of their daily routine

and that's where Inner Armor came from

and then uh

after I guess Covid hit and all this went on for

we got out of the Covid and everything

and I just kind of felt like

I needed to put it into a book

and get it out to like everybody um

and and make it available to

you know everyone to

to do this workout of the day for their inner armor

you know because look man

the world's crazy dude

I don't know if you've looked around

but holy smoke with the chaos

right yeah

it's insane

well and I know you mentioned

you just mentioned resilience

and you talk about tactical versus strategic resilience

how can leaders know which to use and when

that's a great question

but so for me this is what I mean

I'm just saying what I do um

strategic is for like

leaders or people in your organization that they're

like they wanna move up and they have their

they're committed to the vision

and they want this long term out

tactical is for like

you know like we call it the grunt on the ground right

or like we use also in like um

we do a lot of stuff in um EPC which is engineering

procurement and construction right

so the trades right

the guys that are out actually doing the welding

or

they don't care about your Emerald City and the vision

they're just trying to get this job done

and what's in front of them

so I'm gonna use tactical um

resilience for those guys

that they're not worried

about buying into a long term vision

or like you know like a football program

we're trying to win a national championship man

I'm just trying to do the stuff that's in front of me

I want to get through traffic today

get my bills paid and not lose my crap

you you understand you know what I'm saying

so that's where tactical is

it's my everyday grind

or strategic is I'm looking for my Emerald City

like I have a 300 year plan

people like I don't want no 300 year plan

somebody wouldn't have like a 300 hour plan right

get the payday so if that's where they're at

then they get tactical resilience

if you're looking for this longer term snapshot

from the 50,000 foot view of your life

then that's strategic does that make sense

yeah and I

I know like from my own perspective

I'm trying to figure out

the balance of working with team members

and just in my own organization

as an example I'll be working with my own team members

and I'm trying to focus on the businesses

where our business is going like high

high level somebody's gotta make those decisions

and I I also need to figure out how to communicate

that to team members and I

you're right there's some team members

the role they play that does not matter to them

it like I doesn't matter how I communicate it to them

the only way I found that it has any value

is to figure out how they fit in that and and

and speak to them rather than at them at some level

that doesn't even address the

the value they bring yeah

that's a leadership you know

what you're talking about is how to motivate

you gotta find out what their internal drivers are like

so that's a whole different conversation of like

cause somebody's driver might just be

I'm just here to finance me going to my kids travel

soccer club or whatever you know what I mean

like that's their whole thing

and they're really focused on the kids travel

soccer or whatever it is I'm just using that as example

right and if that's what it is

then while you're here they're I mean

they'll give you their

their max effort while they're there

but they're not gonna come in overtime

and they're not missing the soccer games

you already gotta know that right

so that's how you would coach them from that

or motivate them from that

that's an internal driver issue right

and as a leader of a team

I need to figure out cause look

here's the thing man

human beings everything we do is for selfish reasons

everything there's nothing that we don't do

that's not for a selfish reason

and people like well

I'm a family person I'm like right

which how's that make you feel good

which is a selfish reason you are a family person

cause you congratulate yourself

that you're a family person

that makes you feel good right

or I'm frugal and that's which again selfish but or I'm

you know I'm luxury

you know everything is like the best and I'm swag

which also makes you feel it's all self right

I just need to find out what that selfish reason is

as a leader um

and while we're doing that

the resilience piece selfishly

you should just

wanna be able to get through your day without losing

your stuff

you know what I mean like

how do I smooth out the the edges

of this roller coaster and

and it's pretty easy I mean

every human I've ever run across wants to have a

a better calm the storms inside their heads

nobody I've never heard anybody say no

I like it in there I like that storm

I I wanna keep it well

and I mean

what you're describing is basically how people are

making decisions navigating um

their own selfish reasons

their own interests um

and and I know some of the things you talk about is

the science of emotions and

and making decisions uh

you also describe emotions as like chemical reactions

can you tell talk to me about that a bit

how does understanding that help us lead people better

that's like

that's kind of my thing with I call bio psychology

how does the body mind

and the emotions all work together

or against each other

and usually they're working against each other right

so my whole obsession in life was

how do I get mine to work for me

so when you're studying the brain

and a lot of this is coming out now

when I first started studying this back in the 2000

tens elevens

there was no data like there's a lot

like I was so on the front edge of this stuff

it was almost like you know

conspiracy theory kind of stuff

it's like cooking science fiction

but now

every day another study comes out proving these things

um you can't get off your

you know

your social media feed without seeing another study

right so the brain

the way it works

is that it takes all these data

inputs from what you see hear smell

taste touch um

and then um it fires off a chemical

electro chemical reaction

fires off in your brain

these neurotransmitters that connect it

and send it to the region of the brain

where it can make sense and process this information

right

what what we found out is whatever your um

I call it your you know

it's your mindset or your lens or your world view

or however you you know

if you know your ego Igor or Eeyore and you know

hey pooh or your Tigger and you're like pooh right

cause this is a different like mindset

however you do you're gonna process that information

so your brain looks at that and says

whatever what happens in front of you

and that neurotransmitter it's

it's really a hormone

it calls up a hormone that would match your uh

the best version of what you think you see

based on your mindset right

so if today's gonna be an awful day

it's going to call up the hormone

that will prove your genius self correct

today's awful

and so the chemical reaction is this neurotransmitter

be like cortisol

so the stress hormones like oh cortisol

so then you have about a couple of minutes

maybe 30 seconds

before your body floods your endocrine

system floods with that uh hormone um

so

and now it's that it to cause to sustain that response

so I I usually I call it the hormone dump right

that's all these that's all emotions are

so think about this David

have you ever been like in a near wreck

it was like a brakes honk

I have yeah but and then like

and you know it's over everything's safe

but like 30 seconds to two minutes later

then your heart starts pounding after it's over

your heart starts pounding

and then you feel upset for like the next 20 minutes

sick to your stomach all that's the hormone dump right

this happens like all the time

and that's all your emotions are now

so what we need to do if you're gonna be great at this

I'm not I'm a practitioner

I've been at it for 30 years and I'm still not I mean

I'm a journeyman right

I'm practicing it every day

you have to practice it how do I wanna

what I'm seeing

so that it helps me that I call up the right hormone

which is just a drug

I mean endorphins are that's what you know

like morphine comes up it's an endorphin yeah

yeah so how do I call up the right drug if you will

the right hormone to sustain my response

and that's the emotional response that I want so I can

you know there's people that are like always happy

they've trained themselves to have like a

a good response all the time

it's dopamine it's oxytocin

it's all the you know

serotonin at night and all all the good things

melatonin and it's all these

they've trained themselves so they see everything

is that half empty or half full

well so like the half full people

they've trained their responses that way

now the half empty people have also trained their

responses

so they're like the old Krugman get off my lawn

you know whatever you right

crazy kids and getting cut off in traffic

and every time that you um

like have that same response

you're training your entire system to do that

every time so it becomes habit

and that's what we are creatures of habit people

how long does it take to make a habit

people like say they 21 days

I'm like no

it takes one time as soon as you're comfortable with it

you're going to do it again the next time

think about where like if I

I was as I do a two day training

I ask everybody where you gonna sit tomorrow

where's everybody gonna sit tomorrow when they come in

they're gonna sit in the same seat

right you're gonna park your car at the same place and

and you know and God forbid somebody's at

you know at the cafeteria or your Starbucks

sitting in your seat and your booth when you walk in

right you know what I mean

it's not yours

but that's the one that you always sit at

so be as I'm one time as soon as you're comfortable

that's a new habit

and then now you start the trainer and then the

but body brain

and emotion

gets very quick and efficient at calling up that

response faster

faster faster faster

so pretty soon it's beyond your control

you don't realize you're doing it

you're not consciously doing it

and you don't even know you're doing it

and if you probably saw a video of your response

in traffic

you'd be like that and they like blurred out your face

you didn't know it was you

you'd be like that person's crazy or whatever

I can't believe that

are you found that like so that's yeah

it's all electrochemical man

it's all all of it from beginning to end

what you've described to me almost like I

I obviously I think about habits a lot

I'm trying to train I'm reading right now

I'm finishing up Atomic Habits

I've probably started it three or four times

I'm like I'm gonna finish it this time

but as I'm as you're describing it

you've described um

your reaction to something that is almost uh

not traumatic I mean

that was a traumatic example

but I try to use that

so you can get your head around it yeah

so but it could be anything

I like that example though because uh

it's like the example you

most have to train yourself to get ahead of

because it's the one

you'll have the least amount of time to process right

you're it's gonna happen alright

and maybe

maybe that's maybe that's true for situations generally

it's just we're talking about an extreme situation

because it's more and

and this is easier to motivate somebody

when their stakes are bigger

I'll say it like that so like right

I'm trying to train you on how do you handle like

notifications on your phone right

or text from that you know that you know

the boss or the email with the red thing on it

and I needed ASAP right

those are you still having these hormonal

responses to those things

but the stakes aren't as high as like a car wreck

which you like that's why you're like

you remember it because the stakes were higher

you don't remember that

you had that same exact reaction

and hormone dump that right

was of course when you got an email that said

ASAP on Friday afternoon and you're like

I'm trying to get out of here

just throw one more thing on my plate and blah

that's just I get

I don't get paid enough and all the whole

that's not my job description

all the the things that you hear as a team leader

well maybe I've even said

I don't know

one of the things I like about when I'm studying

I'll get just fall back atomic habits

when I'm studying something like that

I'm trying to figure out how do I build great habits

right but what I'm not doing is training myself

how to choose what my uh

reaction is in a hormone dump

how am I how am I intentionally um

viewing that situation

so that when a hormone dump happens

I've trained myself

that it's gonna be in a way that benefits me correct

um and that's not something that I'm getting out of

atomic habits like

we're talking about habits and processes and outcomes

not emotional reactions and hormone dumps

which I think

it's literally the thing that happens before

and also probably informs all of those outcomes yes

so

and I and this is like I Learned this stuff firsthand

I got like 11 deployments in combat areas and

and being law enforcement

even worse as a first responder with 9 1

1 call and you're driving up on a domestic violence

or any kind of emergency like how do you hand

you know you have to train

you're trained over and over again not to freak out

cause imagine if you were like a firefighter

and the house is on fire and you're at your house

and a firefighter drives up and they melt down because

oh my gosh the house is on fire right

no man they're they're like

you get over there

get those ladders out of it's just like they're like

that is you're having a hormone dump

and they're just at work right yeah

because they've trained it

so that's what we want to do

that's what Inner Armor is really about

is how do I train this you know

where I I

I I'm not at the mercy

of the things that happen around me

and so I I call it being a first responder

instead of an emotional reactor

I can't control anything external

the only thing I can control is my response

I don't even like to say reaction

because reaction means I'm not thinking about it

response is trained emergency response

not emergency reaction right

I'm a first responder not a first reactor right

I found this like so yeah

it's it's

it gets to the core it's cellular dude

I mean like all those other things that

and that's why a lot of stuff that I say

it's just so much noise out there about this trick

and that tip and this is not tricks and tips right

this is cellular baseline

stuff that you have to get

right

before you can build all the other things on top of it

and so it and it works if you're a human

the things that I'm putting out there

I it

because I've done nothing but obsess over this

and it's all backed by medical science

and neuroscience you know

and hard data and you know

and I don't even like to use empirical data

because a lot of these psychological studies

are self reported

which it they change right based on your context

you know what I mean

I don't care about your personality

I because your personality changes from work to home

to church or PTA or whatever

your changes based on your right

but what I'm talking about is baseline humanity man

this is how the machine works

whether you get on board with it

or it hurts you or helps you

it's up to you does that make sense

it it does

and it's interesting cause I

when I'm in different scenarios

and I'm talking to people who are trying to

identify ways to make themselves more effective

whether they're somebody that's working for me

or working for a client of mine

or whether it's like a just a colleague

that we share similar responsibilities

we're both leaders um

the the emotional reaction to how things are done is

is if it's talked about at all

it's very separate it's like

it was only like

this was a bad example of how I reacted to that thing

but then it's all back to like

what's the mundane processes of how to do things

and completely ignoring the emotional reaction

that you need to be able to manage

to do the things and not just manage

but I want to even take

point in the direction where it helps me right

not that just is neutral usually it's bad

it'd be great if we got it to neutral

but I wanted to point it in the direction

where it moves the whole team forward

do you know what I mean like it launches us

does that make sense it

it does make sense and I think

I think when we talked about this before

you were talking to me about it

where from the perspective of this kind of thing

and I I was just saying like

you know

we're talking about the difference between the actions

and and managing the responses

like before you take actions um

when we were talking about this before

you were talking about how people need to leaders

they need to first be able to address this internally

um before they can figure out how to support a team

correct um

and I I'm curious

you're talking about this at a scale of like

teaching it in programs um

what's it like having conversations with somebody

who is not used to managing their own responses

having to look so deeply that

it's actually

not even a conversation they're usually having um

because they're usually so focused on outputs

and activities and not managing their emotions

it seems like it would be a weird conversation

it is I mean

I mean and

and really we just like um

because of my background right people will be polite

during the conversation yep

and then immediately dismiss it after I'm gone

but in front of me they're gonna be polite like

I'm not they'll push back

but I'd rather have some if somebody's pushing back

I know that they're engaged

if they're just being polite

I know this is going nowhere

so I'd rather have somebody like

fight me and argue with me and all

because I know that this is messing with core beliefs

other people like oh yeah

this is wonderful and flowers and sunshine and unicorns

I know that as soon as I can

they can get me off of their plate

they're gonna get back to whatever they're doing

which is fine I mean

and look I don't try to force this on anybody

it it works for me so right

and I have a great life I I

I'm you know I and again

like I said I'm not perfect at it

I'm not even great at it I

it's constantly every day

you have to keep your foot on the gas

and working at it and every day I after action report

where could I change tweak this tweak that and right

get better and after looking back after 30 years

seeing where I was 30 years ago

it's just like wow

the math the small tiny decisions

the math of that adds up over 30 years yeah yeah

that makes sense

and I know that as I was just mentioning before

you've got to focus on yourself first

before you can look at somebody else

hundred percent how

how do you help leaders train their teams to perform

under stress instead of freezing and overreacting

so like how do you help translate for a leader who's

now

that maybe they've started to look at it themselves

translate that kind of work to their team right

so it's two hats so while they're learning

you're you're with the hat of I'm

I'm learning I'm the student

like I have to get a hold of this stuff

and then my other hat how do I deal with somebody else

so yeah like just for example

I'm once I mean

first responder versus first reactor

it's pretty quick you

that's a conscious decision right

I'm gonna you know

here's what I'm gonna do

I'm gonna channel the 9 1 1 operator

what's the emergency I'm gonna

I'm gonna teach the critical thinking matrix

alright we're gonna follow this filter

and I give processes to all this

not just thrown right um

and it that

and it also starts with identity

so with the leader I'm gonna get

what's your internal identity

before you can lead anybody

cause you can't give anybody anything you don't have

so it really goes

and that's a whole different conversation

and it and it takes a little bit

of one on one to get somebody to really

to hone their identity statement and figure out

who am I who do I want to be

I pre engineer who I'm going to be

no matter what happens and what comes in life

this is who I am um

and and so

like my identity statement is

I'm a man of excellence who always keeps his word

so no matter what role Andrew's playing father husband

Little League coach volunteer

CEO of my company or I'm coming in and I'm teaching you

I'm gonna give you my best effort

cause I'm a man of excellence and I always keep my word

which gives me permission to say no

but if I told you I'm doing something

uh the old

what's the old saying cause

you know if the creek don't rise or hell or high water

whatever something like that right

it's gonna happen I'm here

I'm gonna move heaven and earth to get it done

and if it didn't I'm probably dead in a ditch somewhere

right so

um that's the trick

if you can get me to give my word

it's like a done deal but

you know because that's part of my identity statement

I really am

uh guarded about giving my word

does that make sense right

so but that's the first thing a leader has to do yeah

it makes me think about like

if I was to be interacting with you

I talk to my own team I talk to my own clients

I set expectations all the time

for me leading a team one of the things is I

I it's because my team's remote

I really

really count on them to set expectations with me

meet them but if you're not

gonna meet them you'll

you should see it ahead of time

and you should absolutely know

let me know ahead of time because if I

even if I'm driving the car

if you let us drive off a cliff

because I'm blindfolded your fault too

it's not just because I'm behind the wheel

it's not my fault alone yeah um

so how do you based on what you just said

so let me talk about that yeah

let me talk about that right

so here's this is the first thing I would

I would tell you right now is

expectations is a cognitive shortcut

and it's for lazy leaders

I'm gonna get agree agreements on a team

expectations is like it's nonsense

they expect to be paid you expect to be do that

and expectations are always never met

so right so don't expect anything

you'll never be disappointed

no I'm gonna have agreements with my team

I'm gonna have a team charter

especially in a remote team

everybody gets to say in this

you know hey

we're gonna respect each other's time yes

you know what let's when we're on the call

let's be on three minutes early

so we know the other person's there

so when the call clicks and you're not on

I'm gonna text you if I yes

let's agree to that let's agree not to gossip about it

yes let's agree to always give 100% effort

and the team comes yes

let's agree to get ahead of it and if there's a mistake

as soon as we know what it is

we're gonna say it because there's no judgment

we just gotta fix it as a team yes

so we get this agreement this team charter

everybody signs their name to it and now as a leader

it's easy because if it doesn't

I I can lead like that

because all I have to do is go back to the team charter

and be like hey um

I know you're a person of your word

and we agreed to this and right

totally out of your character

so is something going on with you

just let me know what you know

is there something going on

just leave the is something going on and just leave the

you don't need like that's all you have to do now

I don't even have to bring it up

I'm just like

if something's going on cause this is not you

we all signed this charter

I know you're a person of your word

you see what I'm saying I do it's not yeah

I love you messed up the expectation

now we all agreed to this

I'm you know

and call me on my if if I didn't keep my agreement

you're welcome to say hey David

you're a great team leader great guy

I know you would never so is something going on

I love the idea of a charter of agreements um

I mean we we've done things

and I've done things with other clients

where they would do things like establish

like company culture

and these are the pillars and these are

and effectively what we're talking about is

what do we all agree we are

and we abide to um

but yeah this goes even deeper down to like yeah

just that down to like the

the behaviors of I'm not gonna gossip

I'm not gonna backbite yeah

I will be on time if I'm gonna carry my load

if I can't I'm gonna ask you to carry it for me or

you know cause look

we all have stuff going on in our personal lives

everybody sure hey

hey I got a wedding to go to

I got you know

this right

we're gonna cover each other cause everybody wants that

right um

you know I'm saying

and when everybody's fulfilling their agreement

and everybody's a giver

cause with expectations is it's a bunch of takers

I'm expecting you

and I'm taking from whatever I expect you to give me

right this is opposite

I'm giving giving

and if everybody's 100% giving

then everybody's also 100% getting

but there isn't any like um

there's not the baggage of

one person is giving and getting taken advantage of

and everybody else is taking

which is a lot of happens on a lot of teams

cause somebody will actually do the work

and other people will uh

what I call you know

sandbag where they're not doing their work right

we all know who they are I mean

don't point to them you know

you don't have to nudge them and I mean

you know but get that person to agree that yeah

I'm gonna and then if they can't keep their agreement

then it's

that's time for them to be managed out of the team

that's yeah

what it is yeah

I like the so

I like how you've basically

separated the difference between a giver and a taker

and a an expectation and an agreement uh

the agreement being obviously mutual

because you both have to agree

for there to be an agreement

but you don't both have to have an expectation like

right one person can have an expectation

I have never thought of it that way

and now

I will probably manage the use of the word expectation

out of my vocabulary as carefully as I can right

it's a it's a

it's a landmine dude

it really is

that's interesting I

I never I never thought about it as a taker situation

because I would hold myself to expectations as well

because you're a giver

but if you're not instinctively a giver

and I didn't agree to that

then I have right

there's nothing in my nature my personality

how I'm wired any of that my

my my moral code

my whatever my mindset is my lens

my world view yeah

I would never even think to give you anything

you know what I mean like I like why would I do that

that's insane

I you know admittedly I've not been because I said I

we've worked in situations

or I worked in situations

where we would come up together with like

company culture pillars and things like that

I've not managed a like a charter of agreements

I don't even know what that would look like

except we sit down we have this conversation

create this big list and then once we're like yep

that's what the list is everybody signs it

is that kind of what you're describing

I've done it with championship sports teams

I've done it with I'm

this is a

this is the only time I ever was published in Harvard

Business Review was based on this topic

right here they picked it up

and I think they published it in like 2018 right

so but I've been using it for a long time

but think about it though as a leader

like especially

I Learned this kind of in the Marine Corps

where you can't I'm expecting these guys to do

what do you mean you're expecting them to do

I don't expect them to do anything that I wouldn't do

if I'm you know

we got right you know

we gotta clean the head you know scrub the toilets well

corporal women and sergeant women

is gonna get in there with you and do it right

it's I'm not beneath that you know what I mean

like let's go in and do it

and when they see that

we all agree that we're gonna get this done faster

we can all go home then everybody works together

so we can all get out of here right

we work hard play hard kind of agreement right

so the yeah the charter can take whatever form

every team is different

every group of individuals is different

don't try to copy that's why I don't like to even like

oh here's an example of a charter no man

you guys come up with with on your own

every team has their own chemistry their own

you see this in like college football all the time

with the teams that have charters and work together

that the chemistry we say

they have good chemistry or locker room chemistry

they win right because they don't care about you know

who gets the glory and who gets the stats

and then there's other teams where it's the stats

and the stats and I'm a stats star and I'm a

and they don't win everything you right

you know what I mean so I

you gotta decide

do we wanna be like a winning team that and

and or do we wanna have like superstars

and you can have great individual stats

but we don't really ever win anything yeah

yeah yeah

and speaking of winning teams

I one of the things I wanted to ask you is

why do you think CEOs

often take the same team with them

to new companies oh

100% why they do I mean

I get it's not because they're the best at what they do

it's because they're predictable

I know what everybody's going to do

I already even if they're not even the greatest of it

at what they are and they could be like

somebody that would rub you wrong

but the CEO knows in any given situation

this is how they're going to respond

I know if this set of inputs is up

this person is going to do that right

so whether and so I'm gonna bring that team with me

because I know what they're going to do

in any given situation they're predictable

I know I know what they're going to do

and that's where the team chemistry happens

on the basketball court where you're making these

Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen

because they knew what each other was going to do

by body language or what the defense did right

the same thing with the CEO

whatever the business stuff is coming down

whether it's a lawsuit or regulatory issues or the

the market just dropped out or whatever

supply chain froze up

I know what these guys are gonna do

cause they're my team we're gonna do and you know

in law enforcement

same thing when you have a great partner um

you know on a domestic violence or a tactical situation

just like you could raise an eyebrow and you'd be like

oh I know what's going on right

cause we know each other that

and that's why CEOs bring that team with them and

and why you need to surround yourself

with folks that you have a

a a track record of

I know what they're going to do

does that make sense yes

it does one of the I've

I've thought about this outside of this conversation

I haven't thought about it

in terms of CEOs that bring their teams

I have thought about it in the context of like

there's two types of relationships

like a partnership in a business and

and my wife like the closest

most exposed relationships I can think of

and I I

I remember thinking back the

the greatest value I can deliver to those relationships

and then generally thinking about it

like any relationship

the greatest value I can bring is predictability right

and I haven't thought about

in terms of carrying teams with me

but that makes sense as why a CEO would make that

because they've

the highest value he can get is knowing how to

or she to um

right operate

and then that's why when what we would call like

betrayal or whatever

is when they don't operate in that way

and it just right

totally blindsides you

and right now I can never trust you again

or it'll be a very long time before because now that it

that's what the betrayal is

is the betrayal of that trust right

you didn't do what you always do

what's going on like now and right

if you did it one time now I can't

you know

I don't know that when is it gonna happen again

another time does that make sense

like so yeah

it's like

predictability is the only way that you're gonna earn

my ability to depend on you right

which is trust I'm right

exactly you're doing right

and that's the end dependability

all these things all hook up together and

and we I don't think people even think about it

you know what I mean yeah

and you know what's funny is you've

you've definitely

one of the questions I was gonna ask you is

how does get creating team agreements change

accountability and trust you've

you've basically covered lots of the questions

I wanted to ask you about this in terms of um

setting expectations which you've totally killed for me

I will not use that sorry man

no no

it's it's so good

I'm so glad you did and um

I don't have people talk to me about the language I use

and it's because very few people around me

are

anywhere near as careful about their language as I am

and it's why I'm so glad we're having this conversation

I'm so glad that you spend so much time

like focusing on the science of

of this so you

you just

bring perspectives to these conversations that I don't

I typically have with other people

so honestly I just wanted to say thank you so much

oh man um

for calling me out on saying expectations

I wasn't calling you out

I was just saying you asked I was like

what about this and I'm like well

but I feel like I need to ask my team

we should have agreements and expectations I

I want to surround myself with people that are gonna

they're gonna hold me accountable

and be prepared that not everybody's going to agree

like if someone says yeah

I agree to be on time

but they're never on time anywhere

and anything in their life they're

they're setting themselves up for failure

they needed to say

I'm not going to agree to that because

and yep yeah

and because the pressure will be like yeah

I agree no man

if you're never on time at

you've never been on time to a team meeting yet

signing this agreement

you're going that means you're going to be on time

are that right you know what I mean

like yep

like so if you're not straight up

truthful and honest about this

don't sign the agreement

I'm gonna have the hard conversation

this is why I'm not

you either love Andrew or hate Andrew

there isn't anybody oh

Andrew's okay you know what I mean

yeah yeah yeah

but you gotta have the hard conversation man right

cause you're you're effectively

committing to the agreement of who you are

and you're

and you're holding yourself accountable to that

so that other people can depend on you

so you can be predictable correct

and if if you're

you're lying in the agreement dude

I you know

I already know up front we gotta

you're gonna have to head the head for the exit

you know what I mean like I hate to be that

I mean that's what it is

if you're gonna lie to me about being on time

what else are you gonna lie to me about

yeah um

and in fact I mean

I think you might have answered it already

but one of the things

as we're coming to the end of this episode

one of the things I really wanted to ask you

get in your thoughts I

I know

you told me that you really are a forward thinker

you're really trying to figure out

how to be the best version of yourself

every day moving forward

but in in this instance I'm gonna ask you to

forgive me to ask you to think back

and if you were able to go back in time

give yourself one piece of advice

60 seconds that's all you get

what would be the piece of advice you'd give yourself

so you could be an even better version of yourself now

like when uh

people that were

that are older than you that you wanna be like

like find somebody find somebody that you wanna be like

not like uh

listen to them when they tell you there's no shortcut

listen to them when they say you gotta just

there's just no other way than to grind it out right

so I'm not talking about I mean

very selective about your mentors

like I would never take fitness advice from somebody

I don't wanna look like right at the gym right

you know what I mean if I don't wanna look like

you know

Arnold Schwarzenegger or the Hulk when I was growing up

I was at Lou Ferrigno I don't wanna look like that

I'm probably not gonna get

take advice if they're not my mentor

you see what I'm saying like

so whoever it is that they've been successful

and remember this um

if that was my fitness mentor

I'm not going to take advice on relationships

from my fitness mentor they're great at fitness

doesn't mean they're great at relationships right

so this is what I tell my younger self

you find a mentor in each area and who they

who they want to be like

they're great at relationships

that's my mentor in that they're great at finance

I'm gonna go with that if they're great at career

I'll go with that

I'm not gonna just find one mentor for everything

cause nobody's that good

that's yeah that's great advice

and then don't find a coach

find a team of coaches right

find a team of mentors not even coaches

yeah at the beginning

when you're young my younger self

I should have got surround yourself

and then listen to what they're telling you man

like I mean

don't be like no

I yeah OK

I got it there's a shortcut

just give me the give me the

the cliff notes

there's no cliff notes and not one person has it wired

I guess that would be the answer

is that 60 seconds yeah

I think so and I

it's interesting

because I'm trying to imagine my younger self uh

receiving that advice and it I

if I did if I could at all

it would only have been for me

and I still don't know if I would have gotten through

to me cause I

I know that same me I was always looking for like

I'd say even today if people would talk to me

they're like you know I

I'd tell them

there's one thing I want in any situation in life

it's an unfair advantage um

and I was just probably even more so when I was younger

just looking for the shortcuts

looking for the unfair advantage

that is the unfair advantage

the unfair advantage is there's no shortcut

and knowing that's the unfair advantage dude

committing to the process and then being longer term

you've won hundred percent

you gotta have that that 50

that strategic thing that we're talking

just to bring it all full

circle that 300 year plan that the 50,000 foot view

the long term strategy will uh

because the tactics you're gonna get burned out on

just doing the tactical grind every day

if you don't have a long term vision

well Andrew

thank you so much I've really

really enjoyed talking to you

I've Learned things that I'm gonna change for myself

in my own organizations and just how I communicate

and I hope that people that are listening

are getting just as much value as I did

thank you so much for your time

and for being on the podcast today

thanks for having me brother

thanks

hey

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